Many people do not know that I was sexually abused when I was a child, for almost 16 years by my biological father.
Being abused as a child is something that you can’t easily let go. It stays with you as a scar for your entire life. My entire life I have felt like I was not lovable, that I was not worthy. I have quit at just about everything that I have ever tried. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it, it was self sabotage.
I was not happy so I didn’t want anyone else to be either. I have spent most of my life trying to make people as miserable as I was. Most of the time I succeeded, and 99% of the time it was my family who suffered.
If things were going well, I would make sure that they didn’t. I did everything in my power and believe me when I say I was great at it.
Today, I was telling another coach how Beach Body has changed me. In 10 months, I have gone from the woman who wanted to destroy everyone and everything around her, to the woman who wanted to give everyone what she has and that is hope.
I became a coach for two reasons. One, was to help my family by becoming a better mom, wife and daughter. I wanted to become financially fit at some point as well. I wanted to make life better for my husband who has had to work so hard his entire life.
The second reason was that I wanted to give other women hope. I wanted them to know that they are worthy, that they can be loved. That they can and should live life to the fullest, look towards the future and not condemn themselves to a life in the past.
I was surrounded by hatred and now I am surrounded by love, for myself and for others.
I know this sounds so trivial, there is a lot more to this than I can possibly put down in one blog post and if you ever want to talk, let me know.
Anyhow, this wonderful coach that I spoke with today said something that just reached in and grabbed my heart. She said she had heard this on a call last week, but it seemed to fit so well for me today.
“My past did not just happen TO me, it happened FOR me, so that I can be a beacon for others.”
To think that what happened to me might be turned and used for good just blows me away. I truly do hope so, oh how I do hope.